if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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