That's when you crack a 10am beer
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
