my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
