best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
