I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
