best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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