I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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