we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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