When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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