guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
