Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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