1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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