I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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