you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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