You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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