Buhtt sex?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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