Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
