if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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