I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
