dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
