I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
