If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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