based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
