I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
His nipple licking is glorious
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