I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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