Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Enjoy the penises
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
