woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the condom got lost in my hair
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
