he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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