the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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