we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
