Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
