Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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