she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
