If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Still dying that you shit outside
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
