I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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