the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
