i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
