my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize