Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
