I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
its not stalking. its research.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
