Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
