Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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