my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
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