I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
