News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
