sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
