He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize