I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
