He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
