My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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