I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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