He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
