I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
