His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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