How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
