Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
