How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
porn star boner night. come get it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
