so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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