Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
