I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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