Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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