At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
