Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
