Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize