Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
