if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
