We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
