Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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