I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm at about main and main street
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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