Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize